Diabetes Day: Reflecting Time

November 14th is World Diabetes Day. I don't know how to feel about this day. It's great that the day is also the birthday of the creator of insulin. We would be no where without insulin. Type 1 would be a death sentence. On this day, I have thought and reflected a ton about my "diabetic" life. The different devices, diets, activities and approaches I have had with my diabetes for the last 24 years. 

My first few years of diagnosis, I had no idea what in the world I was doing. There was a lot of guessing. It didn't help that I didn't test as nearly as I should have as well. The main reason I struggled was due to my lack of acceptance of my situation. I manually took shots and my meter took 60 seconds to give me blood sugar number. Diet wise it was whatever the ADA suggested. I was very active with surfing, high school basketball and football. 

In my 20s, control became much better than my teens. I was still manually delivering insulin and my meters took about 5 seconds. Diet was more of a focus because I wanted to be as lean as possible. This was not always the best. I would under eat because it was much easier to control my blood sugars with less food. When I met my wife in my mid 20s, she helped me in a huge way to tighten things up. I started an insulin pump when I was 25. This is one of the best decisions I made with my diabetes. My numbers drastically improved. Working out wise, I ran a lot, biked and lifted weights. 

When I hit 30, things drastically changed with my approach. I tried to do the Low Carb High Fat Paleo approach along with CrossFit. After a few months of CrossFit, I switched to a pure strength training program with some basic conditioning. This treated me much better. The missing piece was a major lack of carbohydrates. My bloodwork was terrible. I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism and put on meds. My muscles were eating themselves and I felt awful. I ended up with 3 liver biopsies and 1 muscle biopsy.  This was solved by a neurologist suggesting that I have some glucose pre and post workout. Looking back, it seems funny how easy it was fixed.

Around 32, I had decided it was time to give powerlifting a try. My diabetes was under great control. I ate around 50 to 120 grams of carbs a day. My strength was stalling a lot after I made some good early progress. I was making progress, but not the kind I should have. I knew I shouldn't have been limiting my carbs like I was. The problem for me was that most articles and resources for diabetics and diet do not take into account performance. For me, performance is vital. Health is important, but how I perform holds more importance. 

From the ages of 33-35 I bounced between powerlifting and strongman training and competitions. I did fairly well in both sports at the local level. I was still eating LCHF with carbs on training days. This got me no where. I also started to struggle with my insulin sensitivity. I was at the point where I was just going to start exercising again and just focus on wellness with health being my goal. 

In the spring of 2015, I decided to seek some assistance with my nutrition for health and possibly an advantage when competing. My control of my disease was good, but I wanted things to be even tighter. The main thing I was concerned about was my thyroid as well. The feeling of being exhausted for no reason had ran it's course. I needed help. The guy I am getting help from has helped me out with a great plan. 

I am currently eating almost 300 grams of carbs a day. I take in almost the same amount of insulin as when I was LCHF. Some groups would think that this is crazy for a diabetic. Not only am I feeling better and have better control, but my lifts have sky rocked the last 6 months. I am training with a group now that gets after it and that makes a huge difference. I am pushed and inspired to continually improve. 

At 36 years old, I am the strongest I have ever been and have the best control of my disease I have ever had. To quote the band Accept:

Balls to the wall, man

Balls to the wall,

You'll get your balls to the wall, man 

Go hard! Conquer! Break Diabetes!

The 44

When I moved from San Diego to Portland there was one major change I needed to make. I had to be number 44 in football. Many great players wore this number in a variety of different sports. Players at Syracuse, Tom Rathman, Brian Bosworth, Marc Edwards, Danny Ainge and Rick Mahorn to name a few. 

For me, the number represented toughness both physically and mentally. It is difficult to express how important this number is to me. As a player, I took pride in everything I did. Not for my teammates, not for my coaches, but for me. It just turns out the way I did it was by being a leader, being coachable, and playing unselfish.  I wasn't the greatest, but the last thing I wanted was to not compete and dominate. It hurt like hell physically. I played every play like it was my last. Using my lack of confidence and feeling of not being good enough fueled me.

Now comes "The 44". It's a mindset, attitude, leave it out there mentality. Almost an F you attitude. Most guys with that number play a certain way. Not the most gifted or blessed. The 44 means something much bigger. With that number, you are representing every player that has ever worn it. Google "jersey number 44". 

The high school football field is where I felt confident and invincible. All of my insecurities would disappear and I felt normal. Luckily for me, diabetes didn't hold me back too much. My parents never allowed it to be an excuse. 

Attitude is everything. Conquer, destroy, break diabetes!

State of Mind

Motivational speeches and catch phrases are everywhere these days. For me I always think of State of Mind by Walter D Wintle. I first heard the poem when I was a junior in high school playing football at Lake Oswego High School receited by my head coach Steve Coury. What made the poem so great was how Coach Coury always delivered it. 

Here it is:

State of Mind

If you think you are beaten, you are
If you think you dare not, you don't,
If you like to win, but you think you can't
It is almost certain you won't.

If you think you'll lose, you're lost
For out of the world we find,
Success begins with a fellow's will
It's all in the state of mind.

If you think you are outclassed, you are
You've got to think high to rise,
You've got to be sure of yourself before
You can ever win a prize.

Life's battles don't always go
To the stronger or faster man,
But soon or late the man who wins
Is the man WHO THINKS HE CAN!

When I played for Coach Coury, he was a very relaxed care free type of coach. Once it was game time, he was at a new level. He would deliver State of Mind to us in such a way, that a few times tears would be there. As a player, I played the best when I was relaxed and not too hyped up. I stayed bottled up until the first play and attempted to play with as much violence, rage, anger and control as possible. I had something to prove every play and played every play at it was my last. 

With being a type 1 diabetic, I have a ton of things to think about. I can't count how many times I have thought of Coach Coury delivering State of Mind when I feel sorry for myself or have some hurdles to get over. 

Break Diabetes!

State of Mind!

Comparisons and Understanding

It's been awhile since I have done anything with the blog. Things have been busy with a career change and everyday goings on. I have been training. For what? I have no idea. I have focused mostly on weak points with my training. 

On the diabetes front, things are pretty whacky on social media. People make fun of diabetes with memes or say they are eating themselves into diabetes. I am guilty of saying these things as well. I personally prefer Milford Brimley. I made a shirt with his picture on the back. My rationale is that since I have it, I can poke fun at it. 

People like Nick Jonas is leading the way against a lot of these negative stereotypes. The worst picture and quote has come from the creator of CrossFit, Greg Glassman. CrossFit's replies to people correcting them on diabetes have been awful. They don't care. The recent activity by CrossFit makes me embarrassed that I hold a Level 1 CrossFit certificate. 

Some may say that I am too sensitive, that's fine. Everyday is a struggle of so many variables. I never knew that my type 1 could turn into type 2. Rad! 

Does part of me cringe when I see or hear these misconceptions? Of course. I can't stand it. There are some that lump all diabetics together. Type 1s have a ton of responsibility. Things must be planned out and prepped. Those that don't pay attention to the details pay for it with horrible consequences. Going blind, losing limbs, kidney failure, and the worse one in my thoughts would be a hinder to the family. 

Now here's something that people won't come close to poking fun at or blaming those that have cancer. No one would touch cancer. Diabetics feel as though it should be the same for us. I didn't eat too many cookies or drink soda. My type 1 diabetes is an autoimmune disease. No matter what, it's with until I die. 

Newly diagnosed young type 1s or type 2s don't need to see these statements or pics when they search info on their new mountain to climb. Please educate others. If my 3rd grade students can figure it out, so should most everybody else. 

We must fight to Break Diabetes! 

Hiding

Thinking back about the 24 years with type 1, I can't really remember a time that I tried to hide the fact I have type 1 diabetes. I think a few reasons why I didn't hide it is I didn't think of myself as being different, I wasn't aware of the stigma of the word diabetic and diabetes, and I needed people to know just in case I ran into trouble. 

With the way things are now with TV, social media, and magazines diabetes seems to equate to poor health and laziness. I believe it is really unfortunate that newly diagnosed type 1s have to decipher between the diabetes they have compared to what is presented to us in the media. I cringe every time I see an ad that relates to diabetes. I am sorry, the Glucerna actors and Milford Brimley are not who I would choose to show what living with diabetes is like.

I understand why newly diagnosed type 1s will keep their diagnosis undercover. To be honest, I have no idea how I would handle being diagnosed as an adult. At 12, I didn't know any better. The whirlwind that diabetes can be would be and is stressful. One of the last things we want to feel is that we are different. Are we? Yes of course, but what we handle day to day is a challenge that keeps me organized and a bit too uptight about my health. 

Being open about my diabetes has helped me come to terms with my disease. People get a better understanding of who I am. 

State of mind! 

Break Diabetes!

The Search for Control

Type 1 diabetes is a disease of ups and downs with different variables for so many situations. As a diabetic, the word control throws me some interesting emotions. My day to day goal is control. This can be positive and very negative. I have never really shared much of these thoughts with people.

Managing blood sugars can be done a number of ways. I can use diet, exercise and insulin therapy to seek control. I enjoy exercising a lot. I wouldn't say it really helps my control at all. In fact, it actually makes things a bit more complicated. Insulin is a given. I couldn't live without it. Depending on who you listen to, insulin can be a very large negative or others think otherwise. My biggest struggle is diet. 

As a diabetic, food is my enemy at times. Unfortunately, those that are not type 1 will not understand. Food should not drive my thoughts throughout the day, but it does at times. When my nbers are high it's like having the flu. Being low can be very different. Sometimes I lack motor control and am helpless. Control, control, control...

My best blood sugars occur when I don't eat and take small amounts of insulin. This leads to going down in flames. There have been a few times in my life that I needed control of my disease so much that I hardly ate. Seeing the blood sugars averaging around 85 seemed to make everything okay. I had control. 

About five years ago, I really started to switch some things around. I started becoming more serious about nutrition and performance. I did it all wrong. I was under eating, acting like a jerk and felt awful. I never even thought it was because I wasn't properly fueling my body. I had such good control of my blood sugars, I was blinded. The results from my lack of food resulted in three liver biopsies, one muscle biopsy and a thyroid disorder. Did I mention I had good control?

I still get upset and beat myself up for days that my numbers are not the greatest. Unfortunately others take it a lot further than I did. I never plan on going back to how I treated myself for control. This disease needs to be worked with and not against it. I can see how other type 1s can dig and bury themselves into this hole. Quality of life can be measured in so many ways. My A1C is only one little piece of the puzzle. 

The way we discuss our control publicly can be strange. When I test in public, it still seems very uncomfortable for me to have others see my results. The worst for me is when at the doctor's office and they test me there even though I always test on those days way too much. 

Social media doesn't help the diabetic insecurities for control. People post their numbers that are on target. I am guilty of this as well. The last thing diabetics want to feel is that we don't have great control. The stress and worry of the judgment of others in how we are living with our disease  can be very fearful. 

In the end, I can control my mindset. I like to believe that I am a diabetic warrior. This may sound silly, but it's a state of mind. I go to battle on a daily basis with something that can kill me if not battled and conquered. 

BREAK DIABETES.

Superior Athletic Club Strength Challenge

The Superior Athletic Club Strength Challenge was a fundraiser I competed in yesterday. It was great to be able to compete only 30 minutes away from where I live. All the proceeds were donated for homeless teenagers. There were a few ups and downs, but most importantly it was a fun and great atmosphere. This was my third strongman competition. Hopefully this will put a spike in interest in strongman in my area. Strongman is for everyone. 

The first event was a yoke walk at 700 pounds for 80 feet. I made it 70 of the 80 feet. We were allowed one drop. This is the heaviest and furtherest I have done on a yoke. Blood sugars were great going into this event. I was sitting at 116. Afterwards I shot up to 168. Adrenaline can be a major hurdle with control. I bolused and gave myself a bit more than what my pump called for. 

The next event was a log clean and press at 220 pounds for reps in 60 seconds. I finished with 5 reps. I can clean the log fairly easy, but my pressing is not very good. My triceps need more strength. On my last rep I put the log on my toes. This resulted in a laceration on my big toe along with two breaks. I have to meet with an orthopedic surgeon this upcoming week to see if I require surgery. I expected a microwaved hotdog for a toe, but was pleasantly surprised with two breaks. This caused my blood sugars to shoot to 243. 

Next up was an axle deadlift for reps in 60 seconds with 500 pounds. I completed 4 reps. My grip strength failed me here. The blood sugars were dropping now. I manually bolused here a bit because I wanted to get to a normal range for the rest of the competition and worry about going low later. Probably not the best approach. Luckily, I stayed in an optimal range the rest of the day.

The circus dumbbell at 115 pounds was the fourth event. This event is what I was most nervous about. The last few years I have dealt with shoulder issues. Pretty much what it comes down is a lack of strength and mobility. I completed only three reps. My fellow competitors killed this one. My blood sugar was 120 afterwards. 

The final event was a stone over a bar at 236 pounds with no tacky allowed. My goal here was to get at least one rep. By this time in the day I was exhausted and getting really tight. I finished with two reps. Blood sugars were 143 afterwards. 

Overall it was a fun day. It was a first competition for a number of people. I was one of three in the "Elite Men's" category. There weren't any weight classes. I finished in second. It still always amazes me the commraderie amongst competition in strongman. Strongman is a great sport. 

My lessons learned:

Improve overall conditioning

Eat throughout competition

Don't drop heavy things on your toes

Increase tricep and upper body strength

BREAK DIABETES!

Bolusing and Barbells

I went to the doctor last week for results of bloodwork and a general appointment. My bloodwork was great with an A1C of 6.4. The practioner I see changed offices, so I was required to answer some new questions about diet and exercise. I had a difficult time answering some of them. 

The first question was to explain my diet. I did my best to explain how I carb cycle. On lifting days my carbs are a lot higher and non lifting days I keep the carbs to a minimum. My doc didn't get it. I have tried everything under the sun and have had good results with blood sugars from a bunch of different options. I am very thankful for my doc because she doesn't push a high carb ADA recommended diet.

With the carb cycling I am consuming carbs before and while I train. This has helped in a number of ways. I feel stronger, volume has increased and my overall mood has improved. My blood sugars post training have been improved as well. 

One of the other new questions was inquiring about my cardiovascular activity. I explained what I do for strongman. I was asked why I would want to do what I do. My response was that it's fun and rewarding. Lifting is what I enjoy doing. It's a grind and makes me feel like I can run through walls. 

Lifting and competing are very rewarding for me for a number of reasons. I have always enjoyed challenging myself physically. I think being type 1 gives a bit of extra motivation. Type 1 can be very consuming. When I train, I feel like a healthy disease free person. I have never really thought of my disease as a disability like others do. It's a part of who I am. 

This weekend I will be participating in a small local strongman competition. I am excited to compete. I haven't competed since August. There are only a few other competitors. It would have been great if more people would give it a try. Hopefully this comp can bring more interest for the sport of strongman in the Southern Oregon region. I have never found a more close knit community in any other sport. Not too many times in other sports will your competition help you out with advice and pointers. 

 

Whatever it is that you want to do, do it. Don't go half way, don't doubt yourself. Everyone has hurdles to overcome. Heart and character is what counts. 

Part animal part machine! 

Break Diabetes!

Family Support or Burden?

The relatives and loved ones of a type 1 can have a bit of extra responsibilty. Today for example, I gave myself a bit too much insulin and dropped to a blood sugar of 44. I was sweaty, mumbling and half naked on the kitchen floor. It was up to my wife to help me get food while also getting the kids ready for bedtime. I can't be more thankful for her. 

At times, I feel that my disease adds extra stress to my family. It adds me extra stress. If my numbers are off, I am a different person. I am not as patient and have a bad attitude. I am guilty of ruining a Christmas back in 1997 because I was low and didn't come out of it until noon. I was swearing at my grandmother and spitting food out of my mouth that my family tried to get me to eat. Luckily, that was the real wake up call to get my act together and take control of my disease. 

This disease is not a solo mission. My family helped me and still support me to this day. My wife is a saint for putting up with it. 

Financially, T1Ds is a major burden. We added up expenses for taxes over the weekend and I still can't believe how much out of pocket we spend. My Dexcom sensors are around $20 per sensor. A sensor can last one to two weeks. It's recommended that you change them every week, but due to cost I see how long they can last. The longest I have been able to wear one is two weeks. Some of the other expenses are test strips, insulin and my insulin pump supplies. Prices of these vary month to month. Test strips are normally $50-$70 once the deductible is hit. Insulin is around $70 per month as well. My pump supplies is normally around $500 for a few months. For the tightest control, all theses things are needed. 

T1Ds has forced me to rely on some very important people in my life. I am so greatful for all their support they provide me without making my disease my identity. It's a part of my life and they accept 100% of me.

Break Diabetes!

Bumps

Living with type 1 can be tricky at times. I am currently working through a rough patch with my disease. I seem to be more insulin resistant. I am needing more insulin than what I normally have required in the past. My insulin ratios probably need to be adjusted. 

With my activity level and my disease, I am perplexed on the best route to eat. I have done low carb with high fat, paleo, flexible dieting and everything else under the sun. Food is my enemy. My body doesn't know what to do with it. 

I should not be stressing over what to eat and how much I should eat. Unfortunately, that's my reality. Non diabetics won't get it. I am also sure that a lot of diabetics do just fine. If I don't have my food planned out, the results could ruin how I feel all day long. Some people give me a hard time about it and I just keep it to myself, but inside I get upset and frustrated. I can eat whatever I want, but the negatives outweigh the positives. The problem is if you stick some "forbidden" food in front me, I won't have any or I am killing most of the plate. Am I missing out on anything when I pass it up? I don't think so. Am I hurting myself when I dive into the "forbidden" food? Yep!

Sometimes I felt like it's robbed me of a lot. It's always a constant stress. I wish it was as simple as counting carbs, like so many believe. For children that are diagnosed with T1D, my heart goes out to them and to their parents. Life is flipped upside down. There shouldn't be any reason that a child should have to prick their fingers, give shots, carry supplies, carry food and be attached to devices. It's a heavy burden.

One of my safe havens is in my garage with weight on my back. I am not that strong with weights, but stronger than the average person. I won't be breaking any world records and that's just fine. What I am doing is funneling life's frustrations, mostly from diabetes into motivation. People don't get me and why do what I do when I train. I do it to fool myself into thinking that I am disease free. I get to control what happens. 

Even after 24 years with my T1Ds, things can get tricky. Some days are great and others are awful. Do I have hope for a cure? Yes. The problem is that T1Ds goes under the radar. 

We need to break diabetes!

Community

As a type 1 diabetic I have found that I don't really know others that are type 1. I never would have thought that social media would help me with my disease. I have found a community over the last year and it's the last place I would have looked. 

I have been involved in a group on Facebook called "Type 1 Diabetic Athletes Group". I am part of the admin team that I feel lucky to be a part of. I met the originator of the group because he traveled to a strongman comp I did. He won me over with that. He even created "Breaking Diabetes" shirts. I wish I could have spent more time with him that day. Hopefully in the future, there could be a meet up with fellow members. 

The group has members that partake in a number of activities. Whether it's CrossFit, strongman, yoga, running, lifting and other activities. Everyone seems to have the similar goal of living healthy and being active. We help each other out and respect our differences. 

For the longest time, I felt alone with my diabetes. Unless you live it, it's very hard to understand. There are too many variables that can play with your numbers. This can be frustrating, but having my online community to bounce ideas off of eases the stress. 

Thank you!

Please comment if you have suggestions or questions.

Facebook.com/breakingdiabetes 

Instagram: @breakingdiabtes

Email: breakingdiabetes@yahoo.com

Part animal, part machine. 

Break Diabetes!